Felt bored and just decided to crap about something.......
its too late le.....
The damage has already been done....
Its irrevirsable or howeva you spell it
Years of friendship gone
All for your sake
If you read this you wouldnt understand.....
and i hope nobody ever will
Forgive me i may ask......
but i know its impossible......
For i was the one who started it
.......
Lalala random poem.
Ok updates on my life.
Not really much
Gained lost gained lost few pounds
but overall is lost a few pounds la
Got great presents for christmas
Vongola rings with wallet and weapons
Internal speakers for everything
2 watches and a book (1 watch for mh xD)
and clothes and hat and shoebag
weeee i look uber stylish hahahas
i havent change much in appearance, just that hair messier and a little taller
A LOT MORE MATURE IF I MUST SAY hehehehehe.
ok la not much update
quit maple and might quit audi soon
just checking back for some things......
feel myself getting weird this holiday
i felt sad and emo over some things
Then i felt happy.
Its like
I set a bird free,
but i'm all alone again....
but at least the bird is free now.....
To say the truth.....
Up til now i'm still lonely.....
Since P1 i had no real friends
Terry, Yiming xing hao, justin LEOW
yea these are real friends
daryl maybe too
hahahahas
but my happiest was when i was p4/p5
Escape to tampines mart with yuru and eunice in between CCAs
Chessing with yiming and getting pawned
Duelmaster-ing with everyone else......
Slack all day long.....
Now in secondary school....
i find myself more mature on the inside
But i still act childish....
I feel that the older you grow the more problems you have
I hate myself
Being all alone......
I know i piss ppl off with my childishness and loudness
But i just cant stop it.....
There was a time when i could control it though.....
But it was bursting out and i got even worse.....
I think i need counselling....
all these while i been giving ppl advice on how to improve their lives and such....
I aint better off than them....
I find myself pathetic.....
Not even having any real friends.....
Even though i enjoy the company of my friends and classmates and spiced up my life
I still feel lonely
I dont know why
there was a time.....
After psle
someone said something to me
That made me cheer up for a whole week
But i thought i heard wrongly
So i asked that person to repeat.....
But that person didnt say anything.....
and with that i was secretly glad
I'm not saying that i don enjoy being in my friends company....
its just that i prefer being in the company of books and computers....
i'm just too used to it
I'm hiding from reality and stuffing myself into those books.....
I don mind other ppl saying i'm fat or whatever
I dont mind adrian spreading it on SA that i pooped on my pants......
I'm not that self conscious.....
but i really hate myself....
I have no idea why.....
this blog is just a temporary escape.....
I needa find someone to talk to and open up.....
But its impossible to find someone to keep a secret for me.....
I have a phobia of revealing my darkest secrets to anyone.....
I had this phobia cos i got betrayed by someone in p3......
i trusted him...... and he let out the secret.......
Now i'm currently uber depressed in my heart.....
But i have to put on a fake smile for everyone....
I had to suffer in silence.
Yes i know 80% of the world's population are worse off than me
I have sufficient food and air and water and no need to worry bout living
but still......
i like to think myself as someone who is very sad D:
i feel like someone who just broke up with his bf/gf
its undescribable.....
its tearing myself apart.....
i feel a little better after spamming here.
i considered not posting this cos i knwo i would be laughed at or smth......
i really donno what to do now....
i really want to talk to weijie but i'm really afriad he would be like the person who betrayed me...
i feel like i'm about to go boomz
but don worry i not depressed til go cut my wrist....
i scared of pain anyways
and i have better ways to escape....
whenever i feel sad i just pick up a good book and i'll start feeling okay again.....
Though now i still dont feel very good a good book will not cheer me up either....
Really hope no one sees this....
Although i know that annoying JL is following my blog anyways.....
But he wouldnt read the whole thing so he wouldnt see the previous line.....
hahahaha ~
And i know my 100000000000000000000000000000000000 fans out there are
secretly following me too
even aliens
xD.
When i mean follow i mean that ppl will get updated whenever i post.
I feel like going back to school and laughing with brandon and trying to chase after ben to give him a hug after not seeing him for so long
I'll do that when i get back to school.....
That'll cheer me up.....
And benjamin will get hugs and kisses by me
